Since I’ll be in the Neighborhood, Shouldn’t I Stop By?

I’m married to a logical, reasonable man who grew up in a nuclear family with plenty of older sisters but not many other relatives. He likes quiet and order and is perfectly happy to spend time thinking and reading by himself.

He had the (mis?)fortune to marry me–a woman who grew up in an Italian family devoted to relationships. We don’t mind being alone, but if we have a choice we’re happy to include everyone in to whatever we’re doing. We share two traits on the Myers-Briggs scale, but in the E and I department we’re polar opposites.

Or, as I like to say, he’d have led a really dull life without me around to complicate matters.

This frequently comes to a head when planning vacations or other travel opportunities.  He names a place and I think of all the people I can visit along the way.

He’s very patient. “What about just us?”

“Oh, sure, it’ll be us, but if we’re in the neighborhood, don’t you think we should stop by?”

Twenty years in the Navy only complicated this for him. If we had stayed in one place all those years, perhaps I would be bored of all the usual people in my life and would gladly flee to another spot without anyone but him.

But our life hasn’t been like that. My dear friends, kindred spirits, Navy wife pals, and even relatives are slung all across the United States. Or, as my sister-in-law has observed, “You know somebody everywhere.”

Not exactly. I don’t know anyone in Fargo, ND, but I do have a friend whose sister lives there . . .

One year in desperation, my husband suggested a trip to New Zealand, “because you don’t know anyone there.”

I didn’t have to think long. “Dave (our brother-in-law) has all those relatives there.”

“But you don’t know them. What’s their last name?”

I didn’t know and he wouldn’t let me ask. We actually visited a continent where I didn’t know a soul. We had a great time camping from the North Island to the South, but I really enjoyed Christmas Eve and day at a Bed and Breakfast near Queenstown–where the owner and I gabbed for hours about everything I had wanted to ask on the entire trip. Curiosity. Research. Friendliness. A new friend . . . .

Because of all our moving, when it came time for our children to choose a college far from home, I circled on the map all the places where we knew someone, “just in case you ran into trouble, I could call for help.”

First son went to college in Los Angeles, where three sets of aunts and uncles and a grandfather lived nearby. Piece of cake.

Second son went up to Davis where an outlaw (in-law of a family member) lived, indeed, taught at the college. No problem.

Third son matriculated at a university in Seattle; an uncle lived just a few blocks away not to mention a host of Navy friends. He now attends grad school 35 miles from where one of my bridesmaids lives in Texas.

Fourth child is in Santa Barbara. A little trickier and harder to get to, but the same LA relatives are only 90 minutes away.

That all makes it easy. If there’s a crisis and they need help, I can call someone I trust.

It also gives me someone to either stay with or visit when I take the kids to school. 🙂

We live in such unusual times, where friends follow each other’s activities on a computer screen. Where cell phones enables us to reach out to our friends from anywhere in the world. But there’s something about sitting beside and listening to the voices of loved ones, particularly friends in the midst of interesting times, that calls to my soul and says, “stop in. Touch their hand. Let them see your tears. Laugh with them.”

Skype is helping, but it’s still not quite the same.

I’ve abandoned my husband and house guests this week to attend the ACFW Conference in St. Louis. One of the main reasons I signed up to go? One of the sets of godparents lives in St. Louis and I haven’t seen them in 10 years.

And since I’m in the neighborhood, I’ll be stopping to visit child #3. It’s practically on the way!

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