The Nudist Colony Field Trip

What sort of third-grade teacher would take her students on a field trip to a nudist colony?

Other than the biologist, none that I know.

It was my idea.

In an old memory box, I recently found thank-you notes written by my daughter’s classmates.

The teacher sent them after an infamous field trip we took into the wilds of Mendocino County.

It was the reference to keys that triggered my memory.

My daughter’s excellent third-grade teacher, Ms. M.,  wanted her students to be exposed to the great outdoors. She established a classroom garden, assigned projects drawing pictures of seedlings and flowers, and taught them to appreciate earthworms.

Mrs. M even took the class on a field trip to her small farm. There we ate “Pink Lady” apples fresh from trees and walked along a creek. She believed kids benefited from time spent in the natural world.

Her class sparked my daughter’s love of math and science.

The world’s tallest tree

On this particular field trip, we were headed in search of the world’s tallest tree. It had just been identified as standing among a series of other sequoias in Montgomery Woods State Park.

We drove fifteen miles west of town to the end of the road. There we met park ranger Karl, whom I knew from the Boy Scouts.

He led us on a hike through the lonely forest. He pointed out sword leaf ferns, widow-maker limbs, poison oak, and other essential items to know about in a forest.

We forded a creek and hiked along a narrow trail. The hush of a redwood forest is dense and moist, soft somehow, and the children’s eyes grew wide.

We examined a banana slug–which made the girls shriek, and the boys grin. Mostly, we hiked in silence, savoring the fresh air. The atmosphere breathes more easily in the forest.

We also admired all the green against mahogany-colored tree trunks.

Karl waved at trees so tall that we had to put our heads back to see their tops. “One of those is the world’s tallest living thing, 369 feet high. You can’t tell which one because they’re growing on a hillside.”

You can see a photo of it here.

Karl was in a hurry that day. Once we tramped back to the parking lot, he jumped into his forest ranger truck and drove off. We collected our picnic lunches.

I’d been a mother long enough to know kids got bored easily, so I grabbed several books. I thought knock-knock jokes would entertain the children while they ate.

They liked the jokes.

Uh-oh

But when it was time to go, we discovered I had locked my keys in the car.

15 miles from town. No cell phone service. Five miles from the closest establishment with a telephone.

There wasn’t enough room to take me and the three girls I’d driven in my car back to town safely.

We decided to cram all of us into one car and drive to the closest phone. We watched to see where the phone lines ended — and I’d call another parent to pick us up.

Five miles down the road, we came to a cluster of buildings. The phone lines ended at a walled compound that had a sign advertising bathing, rooms, and dining. The girls and I got out, the cars drove off, and I approached the gate.

It was an adults-only nudist colony.

The girls were eight.

I was old enough to know I couldn’t take them into an adults-only nudist colony. It didn’t matter how far from civilization we were, even in Mendocino County.

They sat on a bench and looked at me.

“I need to go inside by myself to make a phone call. Why don’t you read these knock-knock jokes out loud and see if you can figure them out?”

“Why can’t we go with you?” my daughter asked.

“Children aren’t allowed. I’ll be right back.” I rang the bell, and someone let me in.

Inside the nudist colony

It was lunchtime.

They dress for lunch.

The director frowned. “What do you mean you’ve been dumped off with three little girls in the forest?”

“I’d be happy to pay for the phone call.  I need to call one of the dads to pick us up.”

He pushed the phone toward me, crossed his arms, and glared.

I dialed quickly.

“My keys got locked in the car, and your daughter and mine are being held captive in a nudist colony. Can you pick us up?”

Once the dad stopped laughing, he said he’d come immediately.

I thanked the owner and scurried out the eight-foot gate.

“Why couldn’t we go in there?” asked my daughter, the budding biologist.

“Adults walk around inside those walls without any clothes on.”

“Ewwwwwwww.”

Karl apologized for leaving so quickly after I told him the story, but only after he finished laughing. “But you did get to see the world’s tallest tree.”

He was right.

It was a day of biology in the raw.

What unexpected things have you seen or learned on a field trip?

Tweetables

A nudist colony field trip. Click to Tweet

The world’s tallest tree and a nudist colony. Click to Tweet

Adventures on field trips: nudes or trees? Click to Tweet