Why Not Ask a Question and Learn Something?

Asking a question is not a problem for me when I’m interviewing people.

In a personal situation, I’m sometimes hesitant.

But, I live in a society that often makes assumptions about what other people think.

Somehow, just asking a question doesn’t seem to cross their minds.

But, if we don’t know, we can make poor decisions–for ourselves, for others, and for society as a whole.

Remembering the risk of a poor reaction, however, pushes me to ask sometimes uncomfortable questions.

How about you?

Why don’t people ask a question?

Sometimes it has to do with authority.

To ask a question is to imply you don’t know an answer–and for some people, it feels too big a risk.

But, in a cooperative situation, the freedom to question can lead to stronger outcomes.

Hearing several answers and ideas can prompt consensus and happier people.

And it also can promote a better community.

What about asking for a child’s opinion?

While preparing for a house-hunting trip years ago, my husband and I made a list of things we sought in a new home.

(It started, of course, with something in our price range.)

At breakfast one morning, I looked at our children and decided to ask their opinion.

“What would you like for a new house?”

The imaginative eight-year-old was off!

“I want a big lawn, and a creek, and a place to shoot arrows. I want a horse. We need more blueberry bushes and apple trees!” His face shone with animation as he expressed dream after dream.

I had no idea he desired so much.

The six-year-old sat beside me chewing his cereal. After a long, thoughtful pause, he delivered his simple request.

“I would like a house with a kitchen and a garage.”

It was so hard to keep a straight face, but I nodded. “I can assure you, you’ll get what you want.”

And, as it turned out, except for the horse, our oldest son got his dream house, too.

Taking care to form the right question

“Why bother to ask if you’ve already made up your mind?”

I’d frustrated someone close to me.

Surely my question was open-ended enough. Wasn’t it?

But if he didn’t think so, then I was wrong.

Time to rephrase.

In rephrasing, I recognized my presumption and his point.

That opened the door for further conversation and an important meeting of minds.

We reached a constructive, and much better, answer as a result.

But, if I hadn’t asked and then been called on the question, we wouldn’t have reached a healthy understanding.

It can be a risk to backtrack and it requires humility.

Maybe that’s why some people don’t ask?

“How do you feel about that?”

My husband rolls his eyes but stops to ponder.

“How many questions do you need to ask me?” He might respond.

Sigh. Sometimes he’s right.

“When you’re married to a reporter,” he explained to a waiter yesterday. “The questions can go on forever.”

Okay, so sometimes he’s right.

Maybe frequently right.

But we know each other well now, and that’s important.

If you’re hunting the formula it’s “5 Ws and an H.”

Or, who, what, when, where, why, and how.

Once I get the answers to those questions, like a good reporter, I feel like I have a complete understanding.

Try it!

“What do you want to know?”

Several years after our move, I asked the same boys what they wanted to learn before they grew up and left home.

“I require you to learn how to swim, type, and cook. But what would you like to learn?”

The oldest was off, “Oh, I want to learn to sail, and to fence, and to learn to ski,” and he continued with a long list

He had many dreams I hadn’t anticipated.

The second one was still eating cereal for breakfast. He pondered the question, nodded, and smiled.

“I would like to learn how to drive and count money.”

You know what? Other than fencing (though maybe he learned that in college), my boys can all do those things.

I’m so glad I asked.

Tweetables

The importance–and value–of asking questions. Click to Tweet

Five Ws and an H–the secret to asking a good question. Click to Tweet