One of my spiritual mentors died last month.
In thinking about Liz’s life, I reflected on how important spiritual mentors are for all of us.
Not just for what they do for us, but also for how their influences pour into us and over into others.
We all need mentors, especially spiritual mentors, for the good of our society.
What is a mentor?
Actually, we need all types of mentors to grow into responsible adults.
As children, we need our parents and teachers. They teach us how to do basic things: eat properly, be mannerly, study, make the bed (you do make your bed?), and so forth.
It’s a prescribed role that comes with the job.
Teachers are paid to do it.
Parents–well, we love our children, right?
And if we honor them, God promises length of days. See Commandment #4:
““Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
Exodus 20:12
But, mentors are people we specifically chose.
Or, in my case, fall into a friendship while not paying close attention.
Blogger Nicola Cronin explains it this way:
A mentor is a person who can support, advise and guide you. They typically take the time to get to know you and the challenges you’re facing, and then use their understanding and personal experience to help you improve.
This relationship is additional to a manager or boss, and benefits from a more personal and confidential structure. Mentors have the potential to become lifelong friends, or the relationship might only last until you’ve achieved a goal, there’s no one size fits all.
What is a Mentor?
How does such a relationship develop?
Liz and I did not start out with the intention of her being my spiritual mentor.
I was a young Navy wife (whose husband was always out to sea, of course), with small children, living in a cranky house with a large yard.
Photo by Emily Bernal (Unsplash)
I knew nothing about either subject–mothering small children or managing a yard.
So, I invited Liz over to walk through the yard and tell me what was growing there.
I took notes while she pointed out pertinent plants: “Those are lilacs, azaleas, oak trees, blueberry bushes, rhubarb.”
I scribbled quickly, describing where they were planted since not everything was blooming yet.
Then she gasped and pointed at what looked like a forest of green trees to me. (I couldn’t tell them apart).
“Look, you have a treasure! A mimosa tree.”
I peered over her shoulder and saw the feathery leaves topped with a pink frill of flowers and hummed, “a mimosa.”
(And ever since, I’ve smiled at those treasures when I see them–including two months ago when I pointed one out to a friend on a walk through Northern California.)
Liz taught me about reflecting on God’s bounty and beauty in both the trees and flowers and the vegetable garden.
I needed her help.
Six years of mentoring
During my husband’s years on three submarines, I saw Liz and her husband weekly at our Bible study.
She always answered questions quietly and thoughtfully.
I admired how she paused to think, before beginning: “Well, Michelle . . . “
Liz challenged me where my Biblical interpretation didn’t agree with hers.
(Sometimes I “won,” but more often I bowed to her greater expertise.)
She generously shared her husband’s expertise when I needed help with my car, house, septic system, well, lantern lighting, and dog training.
Often her mentoring included simply demonstrating things I’d never learned.
Her table always looked beautiful. Flowers appeared almost effortlessly.
Liz opened her house to countless visitors.
She taught Bible studies individually and always was willing to pray.
Mostly, though, she loved this raw-boned California girl often overwhelmed by raising toddlers.
Watching Liz walk through the woods with my boys, asking them questions and pointing out things they overlooked.
I started doing that, too.
What’s a spiritual mentor?
The Holy Spirit seemed to infuse many of our interactions.
We talked about the things of God.
She gently nudged me into asking God some of my questions, often reminding me of what the Bible said.
We talked about books we’d read about God. We shared some of our favorite Christian writers–several of whom became my “book spiritual mentors.”(See Elisabeth Elliot, Edith Schaefer, Madeleine L’Engle).
I know she prayed for me–and since I often needed prayer, that was helpful.
During those years we participated in Officer Christian Fellowship Bible studies, Liz served as a spiritual mentor to several of us.
We admired her, yes, and our eyes grew wide when we suspected she wasn’t perfect.
But we loved her just the same.
How do you find one?
Ask God to send you a spiritual mentor.
Or, as in my case, join a Bible study and watch for someone you “click” with.
In my case, they all started in friendship–and then blossomed into a deeper connection based around Jesus.
Becoming a spiritual mentor
As I prepared my eulogy for Liz’s memorial service, I realized that her nurturing me served as an example for my later life.
Liz has spiritual granddaughters–and not just through me.
Her coaching, her gentle nudges, her loving smile, and her patience rubbed off on me.
God has sent young women into my life for me to serve as a spiritual mentor, too.
I hadn’t seen that before.
I just saw them, as Liz saw me, as a fellow woman traveler on this road of life.
Our tasks are to help, encourage, pray, and cheer on those whom God puts into our lives.
It’s been an honor and a delight.
But none of the joy of spiritually mentoring in my life would have been possible without Liz’s example.
Not to mention the other women: Jean, Gina, JoAnne, Nora, Sarajane, Debbie, (another) Liz, and Jo.
God blessed me with a perfectly good “natural” mother.
But He also knew I needed more than one spiritual mentor to guide me through life.
And I can hardly wait to see whom He brings next.
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