Social duties turn up all the time. Do you and your spouse ever split them?
We all know about carpooling and getting the kids here or there.
Some of us have elderly family members that need help. Or neighbors.
Churches often ask us to help–such as bringing a meal, setting up tables, or organizing events.
We don’t all have spouses.
But if you do, have you ever considered “splitting the duty,” as my husband and I do?
What does it mean to split social duties?
We first coined this term while hunting for a new church in a new community.
It was too confusing for the children to be hauled from one setting to another.
To that end, one attended a church service early, and the other went late to a different church.
We then debriefed, thereby cutting the church hunt time in half.
As a result, it usually took only a month to find a new church home in our fourteen moves.
But what about actual social duties, like parties?
“You two never sit next to each other at parties,” a friend observed recently. “Why not?”
My husband laughed. “By splitting the social duties, we cover twice as much territory.”
Puzzled, the friend asked, “What does that mean?”
“We each talk to different people so that at the end of the night, we share the stories we heard.”
“We get to hear twice as many stories that way. And everyone knows Michelle loves stories.”
Well, yes. I love to hear the stories from our friends. By dividing our social duties during the party, we hear twice as many stories.
I’m fortunate that my husband is well-trained after all these years.
Does that mean we never sit together?
Of course not. I’m married to a very interesting man with fascinating ideas and experiences.
(Fortunately, he feels the same way about me!)
When I do find myself standing next to him, or sitting beside him, or across the table, I’m usually egging him on.
Don’t you love it when someone urges you to tell a fascinating story?
We generally touch base during a social event, especially if we don’t know anyone.
But, most of the time, we listen to other people. I’m interested in learning about new things and hearing about new adventures.
If all else fails, we know how to ask questions to encourage more stories.
And then we share them.
(What questions to ask? Try the list here.)
Splitting social duties in everyday life.
When we had children at home, one of us usually drove someone somewhere.
Between all the children, we rarely attended the same events for years. It got easier as they peeled off into real life.
Indeed, only our last child regularly played on a sports team that we could attend together.
We usually divided the tasks by whomever was most comfortable with the event or knew the most people.
Nowadays we travel more together, but still don’t always sit next to each other.
Now that you have to pay to sit next to each other on airplanes (whose idea was that?), I rarely sit next to him when we fly.
Last month, I spent two hours talking to the guy sitting beside me.
My husband napped eight rows back.
And then listened to the fascinating stories all the way to our destination.
Totally fun.
Personality differences?
Of course, they make a difference.
I’m an extrovert. I can talk to anyone.
My husband does well, too.
But, if in doubt about what to talk about, we can always fall back on the five Ws and an H for conversation.
As long as you get someone to talk about themself–and many people are happy to do so–the stories will come.
Whether you’ve split the social duties or not.
Enjoy!
Tweetables
Too many social duties? Why not split them? Click to Tweet
How to make a party twice as fun: split the social duties. Click to Tweet
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