How to and When to Talk to Strangers

Do you know how to talk to strangers?

You know, begin a conversation with someone you’re interacting with, usually in a casual setting?

How do you do at “get-togethers” or “meet-ups” when you know only a few people?

Are you friendly and kind to people with whom you transact business?

Do friends tell you to speak up more and act “more friendly?”

That never happens to me.

Why?

Well, I suspect “talking to strangers” may be one of my (unofficial) spiritual gifts.

Here are some suggestions for how to talk to strangers–without getting in trouble.

Why should you talk to strangers?

That’s a legitimate question, particularly at a time when we regularly warn children to be careful.

As a woman (now far out of the cute zone), I pick my opportunity to talk to strangers carefully.

If a person is serving me from behind a counter in a public spot, I like to get a conversation going while they help me. (That assumes they don’t scowl and indicate they want to be left alone).

If I’m standing in line, I often strike up conversations. (Why not make the time pass pleasureably?)

When asking questions of friendly-looking people, I often turn it into a brief conversation.

I like to thank people for their work–particularly if it moves me. (Thank you to the young worship leader at our church. I gave him a gold star while I was at it.).

I watch for people who look like they need encouragement and make sure to look them in the eye and say something. (What? Anything works, even a simple, “Isn’t the sky beautiful today?”)

Homeless people sometimes want to talk. I watch their body language when I strike up a (usually limited) conversation.

I’m generally not afraid to talk to strangers in a public setting.

And if I’m at a party where everyone is a guest, I assume these strangers are suitable for me to speak with. (Headed to a wedding tomorrow).

What do you talk about?

Anything that comes to mind.

Generally speaking, people like to talk about themselves in social settings like parties or church.

So I ask questions pertinent to where we are or who they seem to be.

The (mostly impertinent) questions I ask folks who look like they’re bored or interested in a conversation are variations on these:

• So, what do you do when you’re not attending parties?
• How do you like to spend Sunday afternoons after church?
• Do you have any children? Any particular sex?
• Do you spend a lot of time at __________ (wherever we are)?
• What’s your favorite part about _____________ (this conference, visiting the library, going out to dinner, standing in line)?
• Isn’t the sky beautiful today?

If they glare at you, take a stiff jolt of their drink, or turn their back and walk away, well, you don’t have to talk to them! LOL

(When that happened to me–when I was a cute young thing, I just looked for another person to talk to.)

Potential complications of not talking to strangers.

The following is a horrible and true story.

My kids grew up with a book called Never Talk to Strangers, which we read frequently when they were young.

It provided a problem, however, when an EMT asked my toddler–tied to a stretcher–his name. The two-year-old didn’t say anything.

“Ma’am,” the EMT turned to me. “We’re losing the little guy. We need you to talk to him.”

Terrified, I ran to my son. “Are you okay? Why won’t you talk to the man?” His eyes went big. “Strangers,” he whispered.

I have tears in my eyes, right now, remembering that awful automobile accident. “It’s okay,” I told him. “You can talk to an ambulance driver.”

“Oh,” he said. “Okay.”

My son was fine.

Reasons why you might consider talking to strangers–and “not me,” is a fine answer, too.

Obviously, children standing alone on a sidewalk shouldn’t talk to strangers.

A dark alley in a big city full of drama and fear is not a good spot to strike up a conversation with someone you’ve never met before–let alone don’t trust.

Obviously.

If you feel like you’re in danger. If a stranger gives off uncomfortable vibes. When the conversation takes a turn that feels troubling, let it go.

You should never put yourself into a situation that feels physically or spiritually dangerous.

Never feel ashamed to create a scene if someone makes you feel uncomfortable.

Don’t feel that you have to put yourself in danger to chat with someone–which is why I only talk to strangers when there are other people around.

Never talk to a stranger where others cannot see you.

Decline any invitation from a stranger to carry on a conversation in a private place.

Be smart. Protect yourself.

Other thoughts

Some of us are extroverts; some are not. It’s just the way God made us.

Many people don’t know how to begin a conversation (see list above).

I’ve attended social gatherings where people determined to overcome their reluctance to talk to an unknown person, write out questions on cards.

They study the questions–which they’ve practiced in a safe place–take a big sigh and look for a friendly person.

(Look for me. I’ll help keep a conversation going).

Or, look at the classic questions I always ask people: the 5 Ws and an H.

But what about where danger doesn’t lurk?

Take a deep breath and try to talk to just one stranger.

How else can people learn about the living God, get directions, take a drink order, or get through a slow day when you’re the only customer?

Asking a question, smiling, offering an observation (“Isn’t the sky beautiful today?”), could make all the difference in the world to someone.

And, it might even find you a spouse.

Who knows?

All of us married folk one day stepped forward to talk to a stranger.

Worked for me . . .

Tweetables

Why not take a risk and talk to (friendly) strangers? Click to Tweet

Tips on how to talk to strangers. Click to Tweet